One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

Yup, just like the title. I seem to be the kind of person who can become deeply attached to a girl from just a fraction of attention, affection, or warmth - especially when I already feel empty inside. Hmmm, what is it called? Limerence, I guess.

But honestly, I don’t think I care about someone only because I adore them. Sometimes, obsessing over another person becomes a way to avoid dealing with my own mind. That’s a defense mechanism to distract my own mind from having to sit alone with them in silence.

I will be 22 in just 2 days. It feels strange how time keeps moving forward, pushing me into adulthood, while my mind is still stuck wrestling with the same old ghosts. Honestly i know that deep down i can’t keep repeating that pattern forever. I also made a promise to her; at least this time i will try to keep it.

Still, I can’t stop to thinking about her - the girl i met in March. Is she doing well? Probably not, she seems to have her own problems, and I also feel bad for appearing in her life and suddenly disappearing like a ghost. I know that I’m not okay, and neither is she. Disappearing is not an optimal choice, but it’s by far the best thing I can do. I became obsessively attached to her in a way that was slowly poisoning my own mind, and I knew it wasn’t healthy for either of us.

How could I be someone’s savior when I can barely save myself from drowning in my own thoughts?

The hydrangea is probably withered by now.

In the end, we are social creatures aching for connection, yet we arrive alone and leave alone.